Category: Jokes

How to Teach a New Age Class by Throwing Around Meaningless Buzzwords (Humor)

How to teach a New Age Class by Throwing Around Meaningless KeywordsMore and more stupid, directionless people are turning to the nebulous, feel-good teachings of new age “philosophy.” Get in on this multi-billion dollar industry by doing what hundreds of others are doing: Teach a New Age class! Today there’s a serious shortage of teachers to fill the increasing demand for “knowledge”! And the best part is, absolutely no experience – or knowledge is necessary!

In this intensive one-day workshop, you’ll learn such vague and/or meaningless words and phrases a “quickening process,” “mind’s eye,” and “guided imagery.”

PLUS YOU’LL LEARN HOW TO:

  • Randomly add prefixes (“meta-,” “trans-,” “inter-“) to any number of words to make them sund more meta-impresive
  • Hyphenate words to make up your own personalized drivel (“trance-channeling,” “aura-synthetisation”, “cosmic-dymensional”, “self-harmonisation”.
  • Use Buddhist, Hindu, Native American, or other exotic sounding words (“Toltec,” Mantra.” “”Tantric,” “Mandala”) to add ancient sounding wisdom and legitimacy to whatever you say

You’ll come away with the tools you need to make a fortune in one of today’s hottest industries, simply by further confusing people who are already confused to begin with! And the beauty is,they’ll think they understand every word of what you say! ]]

Dawnea Bas experienced her first transformational conscious evolution at age 26 and went on to achieve the 7 chakras of meditation before traveling to Sedona, Arizona, to become a renowned metaphysical intuitive counsellor who specializes in psycho-spiritual rhythmic crystal therapy, She is the author of Angels and Dolphins: Cosmic Balance in Altered InnerShadow Life Magnetism.

Course 946 East End
sec. A Sun. Dec. 11 10am-6pm
sec. B Sat. Dec. 17 11am-7pm

Course fee 539 I Members Course fee 534

Human-Stupidity Analysis

One should not really dissect a joke. If you don’t get it, if you don’t find this funny, then maybe you have never been exposed to New Age Psychobabble.

But if you have seen people abusing language to distort meaning, to impress, to pretend to be knowledgeable, to appear intelligent, then you might crack up like we did. Language can be a powerful tool to confuse people, be in in Barnum effect or in manipulative language.

Why a doberman is better then a security guard or policeman

A doberman guard dog does not know about human rights. If your attacker kicks or shoves a Doberman, he get what he deserves, and nobody feels pity for the attacker.

(in case you don’t get the joke.

  • If you shove a policeman and he gives you one single punch only, the policeman already suffers an inquiry.
  • if you punch a guy, and he knives you in self defense, your punching victim may go to jail
  • You mess with a dog, the dog has no human rights training. The dog has no scruples.
  • The dog is like a mobster, like a motorcycle gang member. The has a short trigger, and reacts impulsively, with no mercy.
  • You don’t mess with a mobster, a gang member, a motorcycle gang member. Nor with a dog.
  • so if someone invades a yard guarded by 3 dobermen, he gets dilacerated. And nobody pities him.
  • if a group of punks invade a yard guarded by 3 security guards, the security guards are too afraid to respond in force

)

Blonde joke: improved version of fish joke

Truly stupid people are convinced they know and are right
Truly stupid people are convinced they know and are right

Two fish meet, in a lake.

Says one fish: “Today I almost died. I got fished”.
Says the other: “how come you are still alive then?”

First fish: “I got fished by a blonde.
She cought me. When she saw me, she grabbed me and yelled:
“I am going to kill you. I am going to drown you!”

Wait, there is more! This article continues! More details about the blonde joke »
Blonde joke: improved version of fish joke
» continues here »